My Soapbox on Shaming

I am just so excited for certain things in this world that don't directly have an effect on me.

source: irish times

First, as you may have heard, Ireland had a vote on the 22nd of May that proposed to add this brilliant amendment to their constitution:

"Marriage may be contracted in accordance with law by two persons without distinction as to their sex."

Guys. That's big. It means a lot of fabulous things (pun not originally intended but I'll leave it in there).

The second is something that honestly means very little to me but I know that it means the world to so many people afraid to speak up, and that is Bruce/Caitlin Jenner's transformation. Honestly, I was worried after the original Diane Sawyer interview that it seemed very out of the blue and, due to her association with the Kardashian family, it seemed almost like a publicity stunt. Then I started reading statements from ex-wives saying that it was always something they knew about but just kept quiet, so I accepted that maybe the timing was more coincidence than anything.

Now that the Vanity Fair cover has been revealed, completely overshadowing Kim's baby announcement (is it bad that I feel a bit of social justice just happened?)--- and she's fabulous. It's real, and it's awesome.

All that being said, there's something I've been thinking about a lot lately. R and I have had multiple conversations about it, and while we don't agree on everything here there's a general thought that's the same.

62.7%. That's great. However, it means that 37.3% voted no. Honestly, had it not been for Dublin the vote would have been much more 50/50. I'm not saying this to imply that the Irish are still about half stuck in the stone age, instead the complete opposite.

The people behind the "no" campaign were very vocal about some very incorrect misconceptions on the effects of the referendum. However, not everyone who voted "no" has those specific reasons in mind. Some voted no because they didn't feel Ireland was quite ready for a constitutional amendment and some voted that way because they were afraid of the implications it could have in the future for their religious sanctions among a myriad of other reasons. Just because someone voted no doesn't mean they hate progress and it certainly doesn't mean they're homophobic.

Most of all, it doesn't mean they should be shamed for feeling the way that they feel, no matter where it comes from. 

Why am I seeing so many people condemning those who think differently than they do in the name of equality and understanding? Assumptions are being made, insults are being thrown, and all to say, "I believe that everyone has the right to believe their beliefs, but because yours aren't the same as mine yours don't count."

I saw it after the results were in, when it was announced that a pretty rural area, Roscommon/South Leitrim, were the only ones to vote "No" and only by about 51%. Immediately the message went from "yay equality" to bashing of the area as a whole. Seriously? I completely expected a "well, hey, it's incredibly impressive that we got 49% in such a conservative area... well done!" but witnessed the complete opposite.

Ironically, the news about Caitlin Jenner came the same way. The only negativity I've seen is those criticising people for using the wrong gender pronoun, when even those in the know are struggling to keep up with what she prefers. For the record, while it was Bruce she preferred "he" but now that she's made the physical transition she prefers "she" but that was just announced in Vanity Fair. Why are we attacking the people who just haven't caught up yet?

The effort now should be put into showing the love and understanding that we preach. It should be put into educating others on the distinctions between actual and perceived implications of change, and most importantly promoting acceptance and patience with those who can't quite grasp the difference.

Change is hard, even when it's positive, and we should all be in this together.

Resolutions

Let’s be honest, most people don’t keep their new years resolutions if they even make them. This idea is nothing new! Most tend to make them, keep them up for a couple weeks or if they’re very committed they last until Valentine’s.   For me, it’s the act of making things I was planning on doing into resolutions that somehow makes me less motivated to start.

Regardless, I still believe that making a list (however short or general it may be) is a valuable tradition. It gets us in a positive mind set to start the year, and moreover it allows for constructive reflection later on. Along with general resolutions, its easier for me to give myself concrete goals to hold myself accountable.

 Last year, I chose not to do resolutions. I mean, I was in the middle of my MA, had a part time job, and was about to start my internship. Who had time for resolutions? But something about not having a list of personal goals to start the year just felt off and in the middle of the year I kind of regretted it. I couldn’t look back and say, “Hey, remember when I promised myself I’d start some kind of fitness plan? Well I didn’t, so it’s time to kick my butt in gear."

So, here I am with my short and seemingly simple list. Maybe this will be the year that when summer hits I can look back and realize that I’ve accomplished it all, and it’s time to make new goals and move forward… or I can just go back to binge watching Gilmore Girls on Netflix and laugh about how I’ll retry number 2 the next month. Either way, it’s a win in my book.

Resolution: Save the planet (and my wallet)

Goal One:  Create a small kitchen herb garden I actually use 

To back that up, I’d like to intentionally keep at least one of these plants alive for most of the year and it not be a complete fluke. I cook more at home now, and starting my own plants is about the same cost as buying a few sprigs of fresh basil or rosemary anyway. Plus, if I add some mint in and keep it alive, my reward is the freshest mojitos around and I’ll make new neighbourhood friends instantly. That’s how it works, right?

Goal Two: Keep track of expenses for one solid month 

With a wedding to go to in Croatia this summer, among some other smaller trips we really need to start saving. Also, when my next visa gets processed I’ll be looking for a full time job. While I’d like to accept any and everything, jobs in the arts are not always very well paid and it’d be nice to know the minimum I can accept to keep it worth it. Therefore, we really need to get a good snapshot of where our extra money goes, and this is the only way I know how.

Since Mint doesn’t technically work with bank accounts outside of the US and I really hated having to re-categorize all my expenses when I did use it back home, I decided on another route to keep me more accountable. I recently downloaded the You Need A Budget software free trial (34 days) and if I can keep it up for the month of January, and if I can keep it up I’ll upgrade to the full year ($60, but students get it for free).

Resolution: Have a healthy and happy 2015

Goal One: Complete the Blogilates Beginner month 

Instead of saying “be more healthy” or “join a gym and throw my money in the toilet while I’m at it because I have no clue how to actually use a gym” I figured I’d start small.

For those who don’t know, Blogilates is a freaking awesome fitness blog created by the talented Cassey Ho. She’s a certified fitness instructor who creates whole body workouts set to pop songs (called POP Pilates). All of her videos are generously uploaded on YouTube so you can watch them and use them for free, and she creates monthly workout plans (among other things like healthy recipes and a kickass line of workout gear) utilizing her videos that focus on different goals each month.

There’s a beginners calendar that is right up my ally that teaches the basic moves, strengthens the core, and gets you used to the type of workouts she provides. Since I can do this in the privacy of my own home I don’t have anything to lose. Due to the setup of the months its easiest to start on Sunday or Monday, so I plan to start day 1 this Monday. Has anyone tried a Blogilates workout, or are there any others you’d recommend?

Goal Two: Calm the Fuck Down

This one is the simplest and most difficult at the same time. My whole life I’ve had anxiety when it comes to things not going exactly as they did in my head, or when faced with an immediate problem that I can’t see a solution to. I used to (and still do to an extent) lash out at the people trying to help. Last year, I consciously worked towards not letting it get the best of me but I didn’t really have a plan. This year, it’s time to find a plan and stick to it. The first step -- creating a blog so most of my thoughts can go straight to paper instead of swimming around in my head—is under way.

Well, that was long winded! Sorry about that. So now that my 2014 goals are published, there’s no room to pretend they don’t exist, right? What are your goals or resolutions? Any suggestions for mine?