Ode to my lip balm

image via weheartit


Oh, eos. You certainly captured America's heart over the past couple years, haven't you? With your wide array of lip balms in an assortment of flavours and cute little packaging you have been thrown into our bags and collections have been stored on display on our vanities. You've had many try to imitate-- especially globally, but none come close. *side eye at you-- boots.* In my many years of fandom, I've come across only two ways in which you fall slightly short of the perfection you deserve.


One is this-- your tangerine medicated flavour. Why, oh why, did you make the best formula also the best flavour? I am one who is cursed with chapped lips any time the weather changes, as are many. While your medicated balm is quite literally the only that can sooth my pain, it must be reapplied almost instantly as it's so damn tasty. I can't help it, like a kid in a candy shop I am a supposed adult addicted to lip balm. Its a cruel, vicious circle and without the constant struggle I am destined to look like the Joker. And not the eccentric Jack Nicholson Joker with intentional red lips, but the completely fucked Heath Ledger Joker slicing his face open. The kind where I get those looks that say "I want to look away, but I just can't, its like a train wreck." Don't even let me get started on how it looks if I try to wear lipstick during this time...


So almost immediately upon opening, your Tangerine medicated balm is almost empty. Can I turn to my Sweet Mint or Summer Fruit? No, because they don't have that extra oomph. Sure they're great during all other times of the year when the weather is consistent, but not now. This brings me to my second point...

WHY OH WHY ARE YOU NOT AVAILABLE HERE?

What did America do to deserve sole custody? Sure, we've got online stores and Amazon isn't hesitating to price gouge for the privilege but must I request your inclusion in all my care packages? You'd make a killing across the Atlantic! Just think, instead of charging $3, you can charge €3 or better yet £3 and you'd still be both the most effective and one of the most inexpensive on the market!  Seriously though, do you need a spokesperson? I'm your gal. Hell, I'll even go without you for a week so I can take truly terrifying before and after photos. 

Anyway, all of that to say that I'm out of my eos tangerine and it's the saddest thing to happen all day, as well as the most exciting because lets face it- who wants to hear about me applying for jobs? Cover letters are boring, and trying to beef up a resume because in the US your pushed to keep it to one page and everywhere else they want at least two pages of detail. Ah, such is life.